"It was at this point we realized the enormity of the challenge of this type of cancer and as I will outline later, the power of the protocols she initiated in mounting a defense. I came to understand a lot about cancer physiology in this process and there are many, many things I would have done differently, or would do differently now if I had the chance to start over. These will unfold as I tell my story, suffice it to say cancer is a multi-layered beast and while we recognize the physiology there is also a personality surrounding this most ancient process. Perhaps the most surprising revelation to come out of this journey for me was the idea that the cancer process has a spirit, a consciousness which is hard to pinpoint. Something I think about now in relation to how we as people meet the challenges of life emotionally, how we approach death and the type of death we will have."

Now I'm not going to lie. I haven’t spent hours researching or documenting the idea of a consciousness of cancer, yet there were times caring for mum where I could swear, I was dealing with a different entity. As I mention in these book excerpts, I did come across some studies at the time which helped me understand certain things in a different light. The history of cancer is intriguing and ancient, there are many studies and theories but by all accounts, it is an old and varied disease. When considering the subject, the reading I did do aside, I can only draw from my experience nursing mum in her final months.

Those 3am awareness’s as you interact, undefinable hair on your spine-tingling moments which drew me to the subject and the contemplation were key. Acutely aware of the malady which was killing her it was natural to try to visualize the progression. The way it was making her behave, the independence it stole all wrapped up in the inevitability of death; when touching her head your fingers we mere millimetres away from the source! All tantalizing factors. Tantalizing in the electrical sense given if not for a thin layer of flesh and bone the whole would be laid bare. Frustrating, so near yet so far.

Tantalizing these thoughts are. Opening questions of an esoteric nature. Weighing in ones mind the appropriability of the mere contemplation. We are proud rational beings, making sense of the world on our terms. Ancient though may the mind of spirit be, all bound and intricately wound in levels of ever deepening wonder, teasing us in every direction with unimaginable complexities, we still struggle to see the connection. The more we look the more we see, with every question answered thousands open.

I certainly came away from the experience of caring for mum in her cancer journey with more questions than answers. I’m still unsure everything can be condensed down to a cut and dry, “you get cancer and die” scenario. It seems to me there is a connection we may lose. In the consciousness of cancer we are considering not merely the mutation of cells which form into degenerative tumors. This is the nuts and bolts of the problem to be sure. We are also considering a kind of parasite behavior which progresses in a very logical manner given what “species” of cancer you have. There is a contemplation here, a kind of energetic summing up which speaks to something deeper within the individual.

There is no shame in cancer. It is an undeniable fact many people come out of their cancer journey having gained wisdom. As you read our story you will, I hope, come to see even in mum’s situation, which did become terminal, there is wisdom to be found. Horrendous as it was there was wisdom in the journey. I was proud of the fact I was able to turn the very nasty, malevolent crisis after crisis mum went through around using what I considered to be a wholistic approach, so that she had a peaceful, honourable death against the odds. Contemplating cancer as a consciousness certainly helped with that, influencing so many surprising aspects.

"I was struck by the ancient lineage of the disease. It has been with us here on earth for a very, very long time and I found research taking the pedigree of modern cancer all the way back to the dinosaurs. That it is out of control in our modern world is due to other factors. Many natural systems are out of balance today, yet this doesn’t negate the ancient nature of cancer and the fact, like anything which lives and has a frequency, it has a mind of its own. Or perhaps more to the point, a consciousness occupying its’ own space on the frequency spectrum. Although I would stop short of saying it has free will or contemplative thought, I came to think of it as a living being in the very real sense of the word although a parasite with a primal drive constituting will. Much like any other parasite in the broad panacea of parasites there seems to be a primal urge which drives a series of complex interactions, having the real effect of essentially transforming the host body to its’ needs. Is this not an expression of intelligence and will toward a certain aim?

Nature is of course full of such examples, not just from the world of parasites but across the spectrum of life. From this perspective we see the stubborn nature of the disease has a series of base prerequisites in order to flourish and if those prerequisites are present its’ consciousness can be expressed. Mum's initial approach to cancer which saw her so effectively deal with the tumor while it was in her lung had been so positive, as if she were on top of it and had merged with it as a defining moment with lessons she could synthesize. After it had affected her brain, she took a 360 degree turn which ultimately saw the cancer flourish and so ended her life.

To kill a human being is in fact the end game for cancer, to consume and thrive in an unbalanced environment and so functionally create further conditions of unbalance is the primal drive here and from that perspective cancer did a good job on mum. It evaded her successful attempts to control it in the body and moved into the brain where it had the effect of not only influencing her thought processes and so degrading them, but it also sapped her will to live and eventually took over her mind. There were times in this process where I felt like I was talking to the cancer, like it really does have a consciousness and uses the host to communicate in ways you know just are not typical of them, a little frightening and old, so very old. I felt like I was talking to a malevolent ancient being."